Of wisdom and grace

 How does one acquire wisdom? It has been said that "you can be knowledgeable with another person's knowledge, but you can't be wise with another person's wisdom". So, where does this elusive wisdom come from?

To me, wisdom comes mainly from the 'little epiphanies' or 'Aha! moments' when life makes a deep impression on us. Since, it is not just a matter of will, I think it involves some degree of divine grace. Yes, one definitely needs to make the effort to be open to grace or at least not to resist it! 

In a way, the process of acquiring wisdom is not unlike the process by which pearls get formed in an oyster - when it gets hurt or when something irritates its skin. 

Any comments?

     

Of Covid and Religion

To me, this recent Covid related crisis has had a highly beneficial 'purifying' effect on organized religions and even on  many of the approaches to 'spirituality'. What has become abundantly clear is that no person (or organization) has any supernatural powers that enable them to 'get things done for you' based on their special connect with God. It also discredited the thinking that if one gives to these organizations, God will repay you multiple times. 

While this can be unsettling in some ways ('there is no way to force God to give you what you wanted), it also enables us to connect with God and do good things for the right reason. One should do good things (giving to the poor, helping others etc.) because that is the right thing to do and the reward is in the action itself (what it does to your spirit when you are able to extend yourself for others). Similarly, when you try to connect with God, it is to feel His presence and to be transformed by it (and not as some sort of 'fishing for God's favors' kind of action). 

This no way implies that worshiping in a group, rituals, visiting an religious place or being in the presence of a 'guru' is meaningless.  If these actions puts one in a better frame of mind (or in a better state of the soul), that helps one to tune into God's presence, these are highly beneficial. But, the essential interaction is between one and God. In the context of one's interaction with God, 'miracles' can happen. But, they are more of a case of  beneficial 'side effects' of the 'divine spark in one' getting rekindled because of re-connecting with God! Hence,  they are signs of grace, which by definition  is 'not earned' and hence can't be forced!

Miracle

"The miracle of Jesus is himself" - Rumi 

I have been reading 'The essential Rumi by Coleman Barks and I came across the phrase mentioned above in the chapter titled 'Jesus Poems'. Somehow, it resonated very strongly with me. While I can only guess what exactly Rumi had in mind when he wrote this, what it triggered in my mind was the wonder and mystery on 'being fully man and fully God at the same time' - which, to me, is the biggest miracle of Jesus. The incarnation of Christ (Son of Man) did not involve the subtraction of deity, but the addition of humanity.

Another 'miraculous' aspect for me in all this is how Jesus allows me to find Him in 'unconventional' places!

ദൈവത്തിനു ചൂണ്ട ഇടുന്നു!

ദൈവവുമായി ചില ധാരണകള്‍ ഉണ്ടാക്കാന്‍ ഞാന്‍‍ നടത്തിയ ശ്രമങ്ങളെ പറ്റി ഇതിനു മുന്‍പ് എഴുതിയിരുന്നു; അവയൊന്നും വിജയിച്ചില്ലെന്നും. ഈ ശ്രമങ്ങള്‍ പരാജയപ്പെടാനുള്ള ചില കാരണങ്ങളും പറഞ്ഞിരുന്നു. ഇപ്പോള്‍ തോന്നുന്നു വേറൊരു കാരണം കൂടി ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു എന്ന്.

കാരണം ലളിതം ആണ്. ഈ ശ്രമങ്ങള്‍ ഒരു തരത്തില്‍ ദൈവത്തിനു ചൂണ്ട ഇടാനുള്ള പരിപാടികള്‍ ആയിരുന്നു. ശ്രമങ്ങളുടെ അടിസ്ഥാന ഭാവം ഇതായിരുന്നു : "ദൈവമേ ഞാന്‍ ഇതു ചൈയ്യാം, പകരമായി നീ അത് ചെയ്യേണമേ", അല്ലെങ്ങില്‍ "ദൈവമേ ഞാന്‍ ഈ നല്ല കാര്യം ചെയ്തിരിക്കുന്നു പകരമായി ഞാന്‍ അത് പ്രതീക്ഷിക്കുന്നു". വലിയ മീനിനെ പിടിക്കാന്‍ ചെറിയ ഇര ഇട്ടു കൊടുക്കുനതു പോലെ!

ദൈവം ചൂണ്ടയില്‍ വീണില്ല. ദൈവത്തിന്നു സ്തോത്രം!

പിന്നെ തോന്നി - ഈ പ്രശ്‌നം കുറച്ചുകൂടി വ്യാപകം ആണെന്ന്. നമ്മുടെ പല പ്രാര്‍ത്ഥനകളും നേര്‍ച്ചകളും ഇത്തരത്തില്‍ ഉള്ളവ ആല്ലേ?

ഞാന്‍ ദൈവത്തോട് പറഞ്ഞു "ചൂണ്ട ഇടാന്‍ ശ്രമിച്ചത് ക്ഷമിക്കേണമേ". ദൈവം പറഞ്ഞു "ഞാന്‍ ചൂണ്ടകളില്‍ വീഴുന്ന ദൈവമല്ല. ഒരു കാര്യത്തില്‍ എനിക്ക് സന്തോഷം ഉണ്ട് - ചൂണ്ട ഇടുമ്പോള്‍ എങ്കിലും നീ എന്നെപറ്റി ചിന്തിച്ചല്ലോ. എന്നെക്കുറിച്ച് ചിന്തിക്കുവാന്‍ ചൂണ്ട ഇടീല്‍ നിനക്ക് അവശ്യം എങ്കില്‍ എത്ര വേണമെങ്കിലും ചൂണ്ട ഇട്ടുകൊള്ളൂ. ഞാന്‍ വീഴാതെ നോക്കിക്കോളാം."

ചൂണ്ട ഇടുക, ചിന്തിക്കുക. ചൂണ്ട ഇല്ലാതെ ദൈവത്തെ ധ്യാനിക്കുവാന്‍ കഴിയുന്നത്‌ വരെ.

ഹോമയാഗങ്ങഴെക്കാള്‍ ദൈവപരിജ്ഞാനത്തില്‍ ഞാന്‍ പ്രസാദിക്കുന്നു (ഹോശേയ 6:6)

"I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings" (Hosea 6:6)

Manna!

Manna, is the name of the food that God provided for the Israelites during their journey through the desert (Exodus - Chapter 16). It was available six mornings a week. The Israelites were instructed to eat only the manna they had gathered for each day. Manna stored up for the following day "bred worms and stank" the exception being the day before Shabbat, when twice the amount of manna was gathered, which did not spoil overnight.

What makes me think about manna now? It is because I have noticed some interesting parallels between ‘my relationship with God’ and ‘relationship of the Israelites with God’ – in the matter of God providing for human needs.

For all the 40 years in the desert, Israelites received manna. But they received it in such a way that they could gather only that much manna that they could eat in a day. They were specifically instructed not to store manna. But some of them did store manna with the result that the stored up manna “bread worms and stank”. Similarly, by the Grace of God, I have always had enough in my life so far. Sometimes, it did seem as if I won’t have enough, but when the day/situation arrived I did have enough. Logically speaking, this should be a strong enough signal for me to believe that God will provide for my needs when the occasion arises. But still have a strong desire for storing up some ‘manna’.

Possibly, it has something to do with the excessive discomfort that I experience when I feel that I am not in control of my life – that I had mentioned in an earlier post. I don’t want to control anyone. I just want to be in control of my life. This is partly coming from the compulsion that I feel for being responsible and reliable (and possibly, comfortable). The crux of the matter is that the arrangement of daily provision of ‘manna’ (with no storage rights and advance provision) would mean that one has to be dependent on God on an ongoing basis. May be the solution is to find a way to be responsible and reliable (and comfortable) without necessarily being in control. Possibly, this solution also requires a higher level of awareness (about God, about myself, about my relationship with God, about the meaning of concepts like dependence, control, responsibility, reliability & comfort and about how all these come together), than what I have at this point.

Hoshana!

Last Sunday was Palm Sunday. I was feeling quite depressed in the morning – having been under a lot of stress during the past few days. In our church we have the tradition of going around the church singing Hosanna on Palm Sundays. I remember telling my wife “I don’t want to go to Church today. I am not in a mood to sing Hosanna”. My understanding of Hosanna was that it was purely ‘a declaration of praise’ and I was in too grumpy a mood to sing praises. While I did ‘know’ that one should praise God in all situations, I was feeling reluctant to do so. Nevertheless (by the Grace of God!), I did end up going to the Church.

During the sermon, the priest talked about the origins and meanings of the word Hosanna. It was quite a revelation for me. While the Greek word ‘Hosanna’ is indeed the cry of praise or adoration shouted on Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem (“Hosanna to the Son of David! ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD!’ Hosanna in the highest!” – Matthew 21:9), the Hebrew word ‘Hoshana’ is a cry for salvation. ‘Hoshana’ means “please save” or “save now”. So Hosanna/Hoshana is both a cry of praise and a cry for salvation at the same time! So singing Hoshana was precisely the right thing to do for me (who was torn between the requirement to sing praises and the reluctance to do so because of the state of mind – a depressed mind crying out for salvation) at that time. I am amazed at how perfectly and beautifully God can engineer situations!!! Thank God I went to Church that day!

One thing that I know...

"Is there something that I learned from my life so far in the domain of spirituality?" - This is a question that has been popping up in my mind quite often these days. A few years ago, I thought that I knew quite a lot in this domain. I am not so sure any more. It is in my nature to 'doubt' and to 'question' - any sort of knowledge/conclusions. May be, the way towards faith for me is through 'doubting my doubts' (e.g. 'how do I know that I don't know?').

Let me come back to the original question that I started this post with. There is nothing that I am absolutely sure of - in the sense of having arrived at my final unchangeable conclusion. I feel that one's answers to fundamental questions in life should (and do) evolve throughout one's life. This also means that one's knowledge/conclusions also evolve. Having said this, there is something (among the list of inferences that I have drawn from life so far) that is quite high in terms of degree of conviction - at least at this point.

The inference is something like this. I can't understand God in the scientific meaning of the term 'understand'. In science, when one tries to understand a 'phenomenon', it is usually with the objective to use the understanding to predict and possibly influence (or even control) the phenomenon. Now, any definition of God will limit God and hence can be problematic. Also, if one is able to predict what God will do or if one is able to influence God's actions, that can also limit God. While I do think that it is possible to get connected to God, to catch a glimpse of God's mind or even to feel one with God, I think that these are hugely dependent on the 'Grace of God'. While one's readiness/preparedness/actions can be a significant factor, it is definitely not a sufficient condition or even a necessary condition!

From Cross to Crucifix

Till a few years ago, I used to prefer a Cross over a Crucifix. Actually, I was a bit uncomfortable with crucifix. Crucifix seemed to invoke somewhat messy and painful sensations in me. In comparison, cross appeared to be neat and elegant. Also, if Jesus Christ has 'already overcome the cross' (through resurrection) why put him back there unnecessarily? 

These days, I prefer a crucifix over a cross. I feel that crucifix is more real. Maybe, it is because I can relate better with a crucifix now. I think that it reflects a change in my perspective on life and on God over the years.

Till a few years ago, my self image was that of a person who is 'not perfect but largely OK and largely in control of his life'. Over the years, expanding life has brought in new complexities, problems, paradoxes and dilemms. Many of these (especially the paradoxes and dilemmas) have no neat solutions and hence one has to learn live with them. Hence, I am beginning to understand the inherent 'messiness' in life.

Maybe, it is not appropriate to call it 'messiness' (as it might have a negative connotation). Maybe, it is the essential reality of life and spiritual growth and anything 'neater' than this would take away from the richness of life. This also makes one more humble and more welcoming of God's grace! Grace is an essential requirement for successfully grappling with the problems, complexities, dilemmas and paradoxes and to learn and grow in the process.

Another relevant factor in my case is an increased awareness of the reality of the 'person' of Christ - in the sense of being 'fully God and fully man' at the same time. Now, this mystery (of being 'fully God and fully man at the same time') is something that I have very much struggled to understand over the years, often making many mistakes in the process. It is very easy to make the mistake of underestimating one of the aspects and overestimating the other aspect.

For example, a few years ago I thought that Christ was essentially a divine being and that his human nature was secondary - something that the divine being can put on and take off - almost like a cloth - to achieve the divine objectives.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that this could lead to the conclusion that the crucifixion and the suffering of Christ was not fully real (at least in the physical/human plane) or that the 'teachings of Christ' was more important than the 'life of Christ on the earth'.

With God's grace, after many messy, painful and highly personal struggles with the ambiguities, problems, dilemmas and paradoxes of life over many years (a process that might be very similar to what is meant by the 'circumcision of the heart'), now I think that Christ's crucifixion and suffering was real* and that the 'life of Christ on the earth' (being 'fully man and fully God at the same time') is what makes his teachings real. Also, now I am of the opinion that the biggest miracle of Jesus was himself (being fully man and fully God at the same time) and that itself is the key message of Christianity. 

Moreover, this gives me the confidence that Jesus can understand me and relate to my problems and suffering. Remember, Jesus retained his wounds even after resurrection! In a way, 'the God who suffers with us' even now (and not just suffered for us once a long time ago) and hence is 'with us' in a very real way, is definitely more comforting!

All this makes me prefer a crucifix over a cross. The Christ that I am interested in is the Christ that I can experience and relate to,  and  who can understand me and my human problems and struggles! 

Of course, I believe that Christ also experienced joy (in addition to sorrow) during his life on earth and that his joy was equally real as his sorrow. So, Christ can be there with me in both my joy and sorrow! 

*Note:  Recently, I came to know that my initial inference (underestimating the the humanness of Christ) was a 'heresy' called 'Docetism' (attributed mainly to Gnostics) that existed during the first few centuries of the Christian Era. Maybe, I should try to learn more about Church history !