One thing that I know...

"Is there something that I learned from my life so far in the domain of spirituality?" - This is a question that has been popping up in my mind quite often these days. A few years ago, I thought that I knew quite a lot in this domain. I am not so sure any more. It is in my nature to 'doubt' and to 'question' - any sort of knowledge/conclusions. May be, the way towards faith for me is through 'doubting my doubts' (e.g. 'how do I know that I don't know?').

Let me come back to the original question that I started this post with. There is nothing that I am absolutely sure of - in the sense of having arrived at my final unchangeable conclusion. I feel that one's answers to fundamental questions in life should (and do) evolve throughout one's life. This also means that one's knowledge/conclusions also evolve. Having said this, there is something (among the list of inferences that I have drawn from life so far) that is quite high in terms of degree of conviction - at least at this point.

The inference is something like this. I can't understand God in the scientific meaning of the term 'understand'. In science, when one tries to understand a 'phenomenon', it is usually with the objective to use the understanding to predict and possibly influence (or even control) the phenomenon. Now, any definition of God will limit God and hence can be problematic. Also, if one is able to predict what God will do or if one is able to influence God's actions, that can also limit God. While I do think that it is possible to get connected to God, to catch a glimpse of God's mind or even to feel one with God, I think that these are hugely dependent on the 'Grace of God'. While one's readiness/preparedness/actions can be a significant factor, it is definitely not a sufficient condition or even a necessary condition!

Samayamam radhathil (On the chariot of time)

If one tries to find out which is the Christian song in Malayalam that the maximum number of people know, the answer is likely to be 'Samayamam radhathil njan swarga yathra cheyyunnu' (I am traveling towards haven on the chariot of time). However, one is also likely to find that people sing it very rarely and that most people are rather uncomfortable with this song.

'Samayamam radhathil' is an absolutely beautiful song that was written by the missionary Volbrecht Nagel. It is so amazing, and probably a case of divine inspiration, that a foreigner could write such a beautiful song in Malayalam. Much later, this song was used  (with minor modifications)  in the movie Aranazhikaneram and that added to the popularity of the song.

But, people are still a bit wary of  this song as, this song is sung during all funerals. Thus, people associate this song with death, a very uncomfortable subject indeed for most people!

However, if we can live with our discomfort for a moment and look at the song more carefully, we will find that this song is more about life  and life after life than it is about death.

Our journey towards haven begins much before we die. Actually, the key part (and possibly the part that we can influence the most) of the journey takes place while we are alive. So, this song is equally about our walk with God while we are very much alive. This is so beautifully expressed in lines like 'bharangal koodunnathinu onnum venda yatrayil' (my journey doesn't need anything that encumbers me) and 'raathriyil njan daivathinte kaikalil urangunnu' (in the night, I sleep peacefully in the arms of God).

Yes, the song does talk about the 'end of our journey' (death) and about the 'life after life'. To me, this is essential to enable us to look at our lives differently and to live life more confidently, without being too overwhelmed by the fear of death.

When this song talks about death, 'aake alpa neram maathram ente yaathra theeruvaan' (it is just a little while for my journey to end), it makes us more aware of the limited time we have in this world, and hence exhorts us to live our life more intentionally and fully.

Hence, the next time we come across (or, seek out!) this song, let's listen to it/read it/experience it  with an open mind, so that we would be inspired and transformed by it, enabling us to be more effective and joyful in our walk with God!