A believer without beliefs?

"Aren't you a believer?", my friend asked while we were having a conversation about my perspectives on Christianity. "It depends on whether one can be a believer without beliefs!", I replied. 

As I have become older, I have realized that I no longer believe in many of the beliefs that are traditionally associated with Christianity. More importantly, I feel that beliefs are not so important and that some of the beliefs can be limiting or a hindrance in one's spiritual journey. Sometimes, 'knowing about someone' can be an impediment in 'truly knowing someone ' and any sort of belief can limit one's experience of God.

To me, the essence of Christianity ('Christian faith') is faith in Jesus Christ. Here, it is most appropriate to use the word 'faith' in its original meaning of 'trust' (from Latin 'fides', meaning trust or confidence in a person) and that implies an ongoing relationship with and living in the presence of Jesus. As long as we don't view Christianity essentially as 'a particular set of beliefs' or as 'a closed community', it might indeed be possible to be a Christian without subscribing to all the beliefs that are traditionally associated with Christianity. 

Yes, it is almost impossible to function without some sort of a worldview and beliefs do get embedded in that worldview. So, I am not claiming that one can function or pursue the spiritual journey with some sort of 'latent theories' or 'convictions' (beliefs?). I guess, the key point here is if one is open to those theories' or convictions or  beliefs evolving as one goes along. 

In my case, I do 'know' that Jesus is 'my' God. I have experienced Christ fleetingly though intensely. But I can't  make any generalization based on those experiences on 'how Christ really operates'. Yes, there are parts of the Christian belief system that resonates with me - 'Christ being fully man and fully God at the same time', for example. I do think the goal of Christianity is to be 'more like Christ. Of course, I don't fully understand what that means and (mercifully!) my understanding keeps evolving. Maybe, it just means that God can only be experienced and not understood!

What is Christianity to me?

Of late, I have been doing quite a bit of thinking on the way I am looking at (or defining) the concept of 'religion'.  This evolving understanding of the concept of 'religion' also led to the question "What is Christianity to me?".

Now, a religion can be looked at at multiple levels (that might not necessarily be mutually exclusive). For example, religion can be looked at as 

1. a set of rituals (e.g. baptism, holy communion etc. in the case of Christianity)
2. a set of beliefs (e.g. as captured in the Nicene creed in the case of Christianity)
3. a community that worships together (e.g. the congregation in a church in the case of Christianity) 
4. a set of core values (e.g. 'love' in the case of Christianity; remember, Jesus said 'God is love' and not just that 'God is loving')
5. a personal experience (i.e. the religious experience like that coming from a personal relationship/ongoing interaction with and 'trust' in the living Jesus in the case of Christianity)      

What I have found is that, over the years, my understanding of Christianity has shifted from being focused more on 1, 2 and 3 in the above list to being focused more on 4 and 5 in the above list. 

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the first 3 levels. It is indeed possible to find a lot of comfort at those levels. However, it must be noted that exclusive focus on levels 1, 2 and 3 might (often inadvertently) pull people apart on the basis of religion. 

At the level of values, there is hardly any conflict between religions, and, indeed often they are complementary (e.g. 'love' and 'oneness' in the case of Christianity and Advaita Vendanta school of Hinduism respectively). Similarly, if we all look at religion as a highly personal and hence unique experience, we won't be tempted to argue on the relative validity of these experiences! 

To put it more broadly, if we look at the 'lower' levels in the above list in the context of the 'higher' levels, there is a very high possibility of integration, harmony and appreciation (see 'Celebrating Onam in the Church' for a specific example of this integration). It would also help in avoiding unfortunate situations like trying to communicate (or sell) the message of the religion without being (living) the message (or trying to communicate the gospel/'good news' without being good news to the others, in the case of Christianity).  

Any comments/thoughts? 

From belief to experience and faith

After practicing (albeit imperfectly) Christianity for more than four decades I have come to a realization - I really don't know what to believe! I do know that Jesus is my Lord and my God. Apart from that I am not sure if I really believe anything. May be, that is exactly the point. Any sort of belief limits your experience of God.

I have experienced Christ fleetingly though intensely. But I can't  make any generalization based on those experiences on 'how Christ really operates' - other than to say that He operates in mysterious ways (or ways that are best known to Himself).

Yes, there are parts of the Christian belief system that resonates with me - 'Christ being fully man and fully God at the same time' for example. Of course, I don't even begin to understand what that involved or even what that meant.

May be, knowing about Christ is the biggest impediment for knowing Christ (the same holds good in the case of mortals also). May be, God can only be experienced and not understood. Experience can lead to faith. If we keep the experience pure (un-corrupted by generalizations and belief), life can become a dance with God!

It is interesting to note that the 'direct experience' approach was much more mainstream in Christianity in earlier times that it is now. Direct experience is inherently personal and leads to personal (subjective) truth (MY GOD). Also it is quite unpredictable and difficult to describe using language. Hence it is a tricky proposition in the institutionalized forms of Christianity that often needs a common belief system, common rituals and common interpretation of the religious experience. At the same time direct experience is more authentic and 'scientific' (empirical) even with a degree of 'measurement error' (While the mystical doesn't need support from the analytical to be valid, any convergence is a definite plus). Yes, there is an individual  dependence of the experience. But observer dependence of phenomenon is a basic principle in quantum mechanics also! 

Questionable Assumptions?!

The last two posts ( ദൈവത്തിനു ചൂണ്ട ഇടുന്നു & ജീവിത ശകടം പംക്ച്ചര്‍ ആയി) that I had written, talk about communion with God (thinking about God, praying etc.). This raises an important question, ‘why should we have this communion with God’? Would God punish us if we don’t do this? Should we feel guilty if we don’t think about God?

These questions made me think about the assumptions that underlie the last two posts. The main assumptions were regarding the nature and purpose of the relationship between man and God.

In Christianity, the relationship between ‘God and man’ is considered to be that between ‘Father and child’ & I had assumed the same when it comes to the nature of the relationship. In such a scenario, communion (thinking about/interacting with each other) is a must for making the relationship work. It also follows that both God and man will ‘miss something’ if the communion does not happen.

No; I don’t think that God will punish us if we don’t think about(interact with) Him. But I do feel that we will miss out on a wonderful opportunity if we don’t do it. We discover certain dimensions of ourselves only in the context of interactions with others. So if we don’t interact with God, we might not be able to realize our full human potential.

To me, what happens when we interact with God is that we 're-member'. Remember (re-member) in the sense of being a member again (being united again with the 'Whole'). After this 're-membering' we re-emerge as renewed (refreshed, 'born again'/'born from above'*) human beings with a greater degree of awareness. This higher awareness will help us in making better choices - in dealing with ourselves and with others. It is not a matter of God telling us not to do certain things when we interact with Him. It is more a matter of we making different decisions (start, stop, continue, do more of, do less of) ourselves, based on our enhanced awareness.

Again, I don't think that God punishes us. I think that our actions, laws of nature and chance (entropy) combine to produce certain outcomes. I do believe that God nurtures us and gives us the strength do deal with the outcomes by 'being with us', suffering with us and suffering for us (as in the passion/suffering of Christ). God also gives us the wisdom to make better choices. This happens in the context of our interaction with God.

Hence it ‘makes sense’ for us to feel guilty if we miss out on this opportunity (to reach out to God). The feeling of guilt (like the feelings of anxiety, fear etc.) can be a useful warning signal. As long as we recognize the signal, we don’t really have to suffer the pain of guilt.

I understand that different sets of assumptions (on the nature and purpose of the relationship between man and God) are possible and they will lead to different conclusions (if we follow the same process of logical deduction). As I had written earlier, any sort of beliefs/assumptions about God is problematic (as they will limit God). I am also aware that many of these assumptions/beliefs are ‘anthropomorphic’ (attributing human characteristics to God) and can even amount to ‘creating God in the image of man’ – not a particularly noble endeavor I must say!

ബോബി ജോസ് കട്ടികാട്‌ ഹൃദയവയല്‍ എന്ന പുസ്തകത്തില്‍ പറയുന്നു " ദൈവം നമ്മുടെ ശാഠൃങ്ങല്കും  ധാരണകല്കും മുകളിലെവിടെയോ ആണ്. ഇതാണ് ദൈവം എന്ന് പറയരുത്. ഇതല്ല ദൈവം എന്ന് പറയുക കുറേകൂടി എളുപ്പമാണ്.  അതുകൊണ്ടാണല്ലോ എന്താണ് ദൈവം എന്ന് ചോദിക്കുമ്പോള്‍ 'നേതി - നേതി' (ഇതല്ല - ഇതല്ല ദൈവം) എന്ന് ആര്‍ഷഭാരതം ചൊല്ലിക്കൊടുക്കുനത്.  പരമാവധി നിനക്ക് പറയാവുന്നത് ' ഇതുകൂടിയാണ് ദൈവം' എന്നുമാത്രം. അതിനപ്പുറമായ ശാഠൃങ്ങള്‍  ദൈവനിന്ദകള്‍ ആണ്.” 

The above discussion clearly indicates that my current responses to the questions at the beginning of this post are far from adequate. I hope and pray that my understanding (and my answers/responses) will evolve!

* "Jesus replied, 'Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born again'" (John 3:3). Please note that the Greek for 'again' also means 'from above'.

Creative destruction: Fullness in vacuum!

I have been searching for some sort of‘equilibrium’ in my relationship with God. But as soon as I think I have reached a ‘workable equilibrium’ it promptly gets destroyed. This pattern has been repeating over and over again in the last few years of my life. This has left me quite unsettled and puzzled.

“What is the meaning of all this?” I have often asked myself. Isn’t it reasonable to wish for some sort of stability and predictability in one’s relationship with God – especially when one is trying to anchor one’s entire life around that relationship? Won’t this kind of a pattern destroy a person’s self confidence, self respect and even his belief in God?

While I haven’t yet found any ‘logical’ answers to the above questions, the following is ‘my current thinking on this matter’! May be, my definition of equilibrium is a bit too ‘static’. May be, my compulsion to reach equilibrium (even a ‘dynamic equilibrium’) is coming from a hidden desire for predicting and even influencing God’s actions (which is a dubious endeavor - as I have discussed here and here).

May be, all my beliefs about God (including the belief that such beliefs can work!) have to be destroyed before true understanding of God can emerge. May be, once the mental chatter/clutter from all these beliefs and hopes is cleared, knowledge of God would emerge from that silence! May be, this is also a belief and/or hope. May be ...

A Divine Example

In the previous post, I had described how my assumptions (beliefs) about God were 'proved' to be inaccurate (one by one - over a period of time - through hard experience) and how that in turn forced me to think about what kind of belief (if any) would be appropriate for me. I had also said that any assumption, belief or any definition of God will limit God and hence it might not be a good idea to have any such beliefs or definitions and that 'pure faith' (without any beliefs) might be the answer. I was thinking about examples of such pure faith. Initially, I was not successful in this endeavor. Then I came across (during a sermon in my church) what I think can serve as an excellent example - based on the behavior of none other than Jesus himself.

There are seven sayings of Jesus on the cross (seven short phrases that Jesus uttered at his crucifixion immediately before he died, gathered from the four Gospels). The fourth saying was that "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?". And the last (seventh) saying was that "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit". Now, here we have a Man, who after having felt that God had forsaken Him, again saying that He is committing His spirit into God's hands. Can there be a better example of pure faith - after all the beliefs had been broken down!

Bargaining with God

I have been trying to bargain with God – for a long time. And, I have failed – consistently and miserably. I am a reasonably good negotiator (going by the standards of the world); but that didn’t really help – actually that might have made the matters worse.

I thought I was making a good offer. And I did revise the offer – many times – when the previous offers seem to be getting rejected.

The initial offer from my side was ‘I will pray to you and I will keep away from major sins and in return please keep me away from major problems’. For a while, it seemed to work, and then it failed. So, I deduced that immunity from major problems in life was not a realistic demand. Hence, I revised my offer to “I will pray to you and I will do the best I can and in return please don’t give me any trouble that I can’t handle”. This also didn't work. Then I tried a variation of the same. "Please give me the strength so that I can deal with any trouble that I need to handle". The variation also failed to do the job. Then I realized that the rationale behind the last two offers was that while I was prepared to face major problems, I was scared that if I was hit with something that I couldn’t cope with I will lose control. And I was mortally afraid of losing control. This offer was also ‘rejected’. Hence I realized that ‘not losing control’ or ‘not being broken’ was also not an acceptable demand.

Now I am not sure what to bargain for. I do have some ideas- like asking God to “make me fruitful in my land of suffering” or to ‘be with me in my suffering’ or to ‘show me the meaning of my suffering’ or ‘to show me the light at the end of the tunnel’. But, I have a nagging suspicion that ‘God does not want to negotiate with me at all’! It might be that any offer that I come up with (and even the very attempt to negotiate) will based on a certain underlying belief about God. As I had mentioned in the previous post, any belief or definition of God will limit God and hence it might not be a good idea to have any such beliefs or definitions. May be pure faith – without any beliefs – might be the answer. But is that also a kind of belief??!!