A conversation (Part 2)

Me: Why are you so unpredictable?
Jesus: Why do you want me to be predictable?
Me: So that I can understand you!
Jesus: And then predict my behaviour and then try to control me? (smiles) If you can control me then who is the God here?
Me: You have a point there. But may be I just want to relate to you better.
Jesus : For that what you need to do is to spend time with me.
Me: So we can only experience God and not understand God?
Jesus: It depends on your understanding of the word understanding! (smiles)
Me: Yes, it is difficult to differentiate between unknowable and unknown (not yet known)! May be if we experience you we can develop some hypotheses about you
Jesus: At your own risk (smiles). Remember, experience is dynamic. The cutting edge of experience is often too dynamic for understanding.
Yes: A static theology can't 'capture' dynamic experience of God
Jesus: Trying to 'capture' a limitless God in a limited mind and in an even more limited language is indeed a troublesome endeavour!

Manna!

Manna, is the name of the food that God provided for the Israelites during their journey through the desert (Exodus - Chapter 16). It was available six mornings a week. The Israelites were instructed to eat only the manna they had gathered for each day. Manna stored up for the following day "bred worms and stank" the exception being the day before Shabbat, when twice the amount of manna was gathered, which did not spoil overnight.

What makes me think about manna now? It is because I have noticed some interesting parallels between ‘my relationship with God’ and ‘relationship of the Israelites with God’ – in the matter of God providing for human needs.

For all the 40 years in the desert, Israelites received manna. But they received it in such a way that they could gather only that much manna that they could eat in a day. They were specifically instructed not to store manna. But some of them did store manna with the result that the stored up manna “bread worms and stank”. Similarly, by the Grace of God, I have always had enough in my life so far. Sometimes, it did seem as if I won’t have enough, but when the day/situation arrived I did have enough. Logically speaking, this should be a strong enough signal for me to believe that God will provide for my needs when the occasion arises. But still have a strong desire for storing up some ‘manna’.

Possibly, it has something to do with the excessive discomfort that I experience when I feel that I am not in control of my life – that I had mentioned in an earlier post. I don’t want to control anyone. I just want to be in control of my life. This is partly coming from the compulsion that I feel for being responsible and reliable (and possibly, comfortable). The crux of the matter is that the arrangement of daily provision of ‘manna’ (with no storage rights and advance provision) would mean that one has to be dependent on God on an ongoing basis. May be the solution is to find a way to be responsible and reliable (and comfortable) without necessarily being in control. Possibly, this solution also requires a higher level of awareness (about God, about myself, about my relationship with God, about the meaning of concepts like dependence, control, responsibility, reliability & comfort and about how all these come together), than what I have at this point.