A believer without beliefs?

"Aren't you a believer?", my friend asked while we were having a conversation about my perspectives on Christianity. "It depends on whether one can be a believer without beliefs!", I replied. 

As I have become older, I have realized that I no longer believe in many of the beliefs that are traditionally associated with Christianity. More importantly, I feel that beliefs are not so important and that some of the beliefs can be limiting or a hindrance in one's spiritual journey. Sometimes, 'knowing about someone' can be an impediment in 'truly knowing someone ' and any sort of belief can limit one's experience of God.

To me, the essence of Christianity ('Christian faith') is faith in Jesus Christ. Here, it is most appropriate to use the word 'faith' in its original meaning of 'trust' (from Latin 'fides', meaning trust or confidence in a person) and that implies an ongoing relationship with and living in the presence of Jesus. As long as we don't view Christianity essentially as 'a particular set of beliefs' or as 'a closed community', it might indeed be possible to be a Christian without subscribing to all the beliefs that are traditionally associated with Christianity. 

Yes, it is almost impossible to function without some sort of a worldview and beliefs do get embedded in that worldview. So, I am not claiming that one can function or pursue the spiritual journey with some sort of 'latent theories' or 'convictions' (beliefs?). I guess, the key point here is if one is open to those theories' or convictions or  beliefs evolving as one goes along. 

In my case, I do 'know' that Jesus is 'my' God. I have experienced Christ fleetingly though intensely. But I can't  make any generalization based on those experiences on 'how Christ really operates'. Yes, there are parts of the Christian belief system that resonates with me - 'Christ being fully man and fully God at the same time', for example. I do think the goal of Christianity is to be 'more like Christ. Of course, I don't fully understand what that means and (mercifully!) my understanding keeps evolving. Maybe, it just means that God can only be experienced and not understood!

What is Christianity to me?

Of late, I have been doing quite a bit of thinking on the way I am looking at (or defining) the concept of 'religion'.  This evolving understanding of the concept of 'religion' also led to the question "What is Christianity to me?".

Now, a religion can be looked at at multiple levels (that might not necessarily be mutually exclusive). For example, religion can be looked at as 

1. a set of rituals (e.g. baptism, holy communion etc. in the case of Christianity)
2. a set of beliefs (e.g. as captured in the Nicene creed in the case of Christianity)
3. a community that worships together (e.g. the congregation in a church in the case of Christianity) 
4. a set of core values (e.g. 'love' in the case of Christianity; remember, Jesus said 'God is love' and not just that 'God is loving')
5. a personal experience (i.e. the religious experience like that coming from a personal relationship/ongoing interaction with and 'trust' in the living Jesus in the case of Christianity)      

What I have found is that, over the years, my understanding of Christianity has shifted from being focused more on 1, 2 and 3 in the above list to being focused more on 4 and 5 in the above list. 

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the first 3 levels. It is indeed possible to find a lot of comfort at those levels. However, it must be noted that exclusive focus on levels 1, 2 and 3 might (often inadvertently) pull people apart on the basis of religion. 

At the level of values, there is hardly any conflict between religions, and, indeed often they are complementary (e.g. 'love' and 'oneness' in the case of Christianity and Advaita Vendanta school of Hinduism respectively). Similarly, if we all look at religion as a highly personal and hence unique experience, we won't be tempted to argue on the relative validity of these experiences! 

To put it more broadly, if we look at the 'lower' levels in the above list in the context of the 'higher' levels, there is a very high possibility of integration, harmony and appreciation (see 'Celebrating Onam in the Church' for a specific example of this integration). It would also help in avoiding unfortunate situations like trying to communicate (or sell) the message of the religion without being (living) the message (or trying to communicate the gospel/'good news' without being good news to the others, in the case of Christianity).  

Any comments/thoughts? 

"My Lord and my God!"

As you might have observed in many of the posts in this blog, I have a strong need, or, even a compulsion to 'understand'. Part of this comes from curiosity. Part of this probably comes from the idea  that understanding would allow me to predict, and, may be even to influence. My mind has a tendency to automatically do elaborate 'scenario planning' even when it is not required. While this did help me in my work in the field of management, it also created a lot of mental chatter that cluttered my mind.

One good thing that has happened to me because of the Covid crisis and the highly unpredictable situation coming out of that is that it sort of 'broke down' my compulsive scenario planning. While it did make me very uneasy initially, now I am more comfortable in the 'cloud of unknowing'.   

Something similar has also happened regarding my relationship with God. Earlier, I had created many mental models about my relationship with God, that (mercifully!) evolved as my understanding evolved. However, the mental models remained, and, they acted as some sort of lenses with which I viewed my relationship with God. Since no lens is perfect, they introduced their own distortion even though they gave me some (false) sense of understanding.  

In the last few months, this understanding, beliefs and mental models went through a process of 'stripping away'. Now, all that remains is a cry, "My Lord and my God", the same one uttered by the apostle Thomas during his encounter with the risen Christ (John 20:28 - And Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!").  

I don't know what this cry ("my Lord and my God!")  really means to me. But, it resonates with me very strongly. 'Strangely',  I am very comfortable with this 'not knowing'!!

I had really felt like this only once before. During one of the training programs that I had attended (that was run largely like a human process lab), there was an exercise in which we were given 30 minutes of time to do whatever we wanted, under the conditions that we can't make eye contact, speak to anyone, look at our phones etc. So, I walked around rather aimlessly, and then I sat down under a big tree. After some time, I became very intensely aware of my surroundings. Then, I had this great urge to pray. But, when I tried to do that, no words would come to my mind, however hard I tried. I started getting 'psyched up', as I had never experienced anything like that before. Then, suddenly, I felt that I am hearing the voice of Jesus telling me that "No words are required. Just say my name". Then I started saying the word 'Jesus' and in a very short time, I was so overwhelmed by a very intense feeling of peace and acceptance that tears started rolling down my cheeks. 

May be, this newfound comfort in 'not knowing' is what exactly I need to experience life as it is and as it comes. May be, not having fixed beliefs about God is the way to experience God. It is indeed such a blessing, that we can experience even when we don't really understand!  

Miracles and God

'Can we expect God to perform miracles?' This is a question that has bothered me for quite a while. It is very comforting to believe that when we are in need (or when we want something) we can pray to God to do a miracle to help us out. The problem is just that God seems to 'act' in 'strange' (difficult to understand) ways. Sometimes things work out the way we want them to be and sometimes they don't and whether this can be attributed to God doesn't seem to be clear. So the question remains!


I have had many 'answers' (hypotheses) on this matter. Mercifully, the none of the answers have persisted for a very long time. I have learned quite a bit about myself and my relationship with God by watching how my answers have evolved over time. So what follows is just 'my current thinking on the matter' (what a beautiful 'consultant-like' phrase!)


First, our understanding of what is 'natural' and what is 'super-natural' has evolved significantly. As we understand nature more, we become more aware of the 'miraculous' nature of nature. So 'miracles' might not as unusual as we might think they are. Also, to me, trying to understand the creator by understanding the (patterns in the) creation definitely qualifies as a spiritual pursuit.


Yes, God is not a genie (that will do our bidding) or even some sort of s cosmic vending machine (that can give us what we want if we 'pay' a specified 'price'- like a particular prayer or a ritual or an action). It would be an insult to both God and us to think of God as an entity that can be compelled to respond in a particular way.


So what is my 'current thinking on the matter'? I think that the most important thing about God is that He is always with us. When 'miracles' do happen I prefer to think of them as a message from God that he is very much around and that the overall tendency of the universe is towards life. I think of miracles as gratis - something that happens without we causing it or earning it. Yes, we can definitely make ourselves open to grace and to miracles (or at least stop resisting them). So, to me miracles just happen without we doing anything - essentially to encourage us to look beyond the mundane aspects of life - to be more aware of the miraculous nature of the world that we are living in -  to recapture our wide-eyed sense of wonder and childlike zest for life - to be more enthusiastic (en theos : with God) - to be aware of the presence of God in our midst!

From belief to experience and faith

After practicing (albeit imperfectly) Christianity for more than four decades I have come to a realization - I really don't know what to believe! I do know that Jesus is my Lord and my God. Apart from that I am not sure if I really believe anything. May be, that is exactly the point. Any sort of belief limits your experience of God.

I have experienced Christ fleetingly though intensely. But I can't  make any generalization based on those experiences on 'how Christ really operates' - other than to say that He operates in mysterious ways (or ways that are best known to Himself).

Yes, there are parts of the Christian belief system that resonates with me - 'Christ being fully man and fully God at the same time' for example. Of course, I don't even begin to understand what that involved or even what that meant.

May be, knowing about Christ is the biggest impediment for knowing Christ (the same holds good in the case of mortals also). May be, God can only be experienced and not understood. Experience can lead to faith. If we keep the experience pure (un-corrupted by generalizations and belief), life can become a dance with God!

It is interesting to note that the 'direct experience' approach was much more mainstream in Christianity in earlier times that it is now. Direct experience is inherently personal and leads to personal (subjective) truth (MY GOD). Also it is quite unpredictable and difficult to describe using language. Hence it is a tricky proposition in the institutionalized forms of Christianity that often needs a common belief system, common rituals and common interpretation of the religious experience. At the same time direct experience is more authentic and 'scientific' (empirical) even with a degree of 'measurement error' (While the mystical doesn't need support from the analytical to be valid, any convergence is a definite plus). Yes, there is an individual  dependence of the experience. But observer dependence of phenomenon is a basic principle in quantum mechanics also!