What is Christianity to me?

Of late, I have been doing quite a bit of thinking on the way I am looking at (or defining) the concept of 'religion'.  This evolving understanding of the concept of 'religion' also led to the question "What is Christianity to me?".

Now, a religion can be looked at at multiple levels (that might not necessarily be mutually exclusive). For example, religion can be looked at as 

1. a set of rituals (e.g. baptism, holy communion etc. in the case of Christianity)
2. a set of beliefs (e.g. as captured in the Nicene creed in the case of Christianity)
3. a community that worships together (e.g. the congregation in a church in the case of Christianity) 
4. a set of core values (e.g. 'love' in the case of Christianity; remember, Jesus said 'God is love' and not just that 'God is loving')
5. a personal experience (i.e. the religious experience like that coming from a personal relationship/ongoing interaction with and 'trust' in the living Jesus in the case of Christianity)      

What I have found is that, over the years, my understanding of Christianity has shifted from being focused more on 1, 2 and 3 in the above list to being focused more on 4 and 5 in the above list. 

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with the first 3 levels. It is indeed possible to find a lot of comfort at those levels. However, it must be noted that exclusive focus on levels 1, 2 and 3 might (often inadvertently) pull people apart on the basis of religion. 

At the level of values, there is hardly any conflict between religions, and, indeed often they are complementary (e.g. 'love' and 'oneness' in the case of Christianity and Advaita Vendanta school of Hinduism respectively). Similarly, if we all look at religion as a highly personal and hence unique experience, we won't be tempted to argue on the relative validity of these experiences! 

To put it more broadly, if we look at the 'lower' levels in the above list in the context of the 'higher' levels, there is a very high possibility of integration, harmony and appreciation (see 'Celebrating Onam in the Church' for a specific example of this integration). It would also help in avoiding unfortunate situations like trying to communicate (or sell) the message of the religion without being (living) the message (or trying to communicate the gospel/'good news' without being good news to the others, in the case of Christianity).  

Any comments/thoughts? 

Of Covid and Religion

To me, this recent Covid related crisis has had a highly beneficial 'purifying' effect on organized religions and even on  many of the approaches to 'spirituality'. What has become abundantly clear is that no person (or organization) has any supernatural powers that enable them to 'get things done for you' based on their special connect with God. It also discredited the thinking that if one gives to these organizations, God will repay you multiple times. 

While this can be unsettling in some ways ('there is no way to force God to give you what you wanted), it also enables us to connect with God and do good things for the right reason. One should do good things (giving to the poor, helping others etc.) because that is the right thing to do and the reward is in the action itself (what it does to your spirit when you are able to extend yourself for others). Similarly, when you try to connect with God, it is to feel His presence and to be transformed by it (and not as some sort of 'fishing for God's favors' kind of action). 

This no way implies that worshiping in a group, rituals, visiting an religious place or being in the presence of a 'guru' is meaningless.  If these actions puts one in a better frame of mind (or in a better state of the soul), that helps one to tune into God's presence, these are highly beneficial. But, the essential interaction is between one and God. In the context of one's interaction with God, 'miracles' can happen. But, they are more of a case of  beneficial 'side effects' of the 'divine spark in one' getting rekindled because of re-connecting with God! Hence,  they are signs of grace, which by definition  is 'not earned' and hence can't be forced!

A mystery that should not be demystified!

'Demystification' is a very popular endeavor these days. It is indeed very useful in those areas where the 'mystery' is more of a 'pathological' lack of clarity.  However, there are mysteries that can't be demystified without losing the essence. 

To me, God is one of those mysteries (may be even 'the' mystery) that should not be demystified. Mystical experience of the divine lies at the core of spirituality. It is because God can only be experienced and not understood! Actually, an imperfect understanding would take away from the experience and all 'understanding' of an infinite being would necessarily be imperfect. Even when it comes to human beings, 'knowing about someone' can become an impediment for 'knowing someone'!

One of the most 'funny' things that you notice with many organized religions is that the religious leaders would say that God (or some concept about God like the Trinity in Christianity) is a mystery and then proceed to tell precisely what God (or the concept about God) is! 

Taking mystery (and mystical experience) out of religion because it is 'unmanageable' (from the organization sense), is one of the key reasons why religion is fast becoming irrelevant to a large section of the population. 

To me, the religion that has relevance is a highly personal one - based on personal experience of the divine and on the personal relationship with the divine. This personal experience is highly subjective and mystical. Yes, one can try to share one's personal experience of the divine with others. But, it should not be done in order to invalidate the experience of others! Instead, it should be done to share the sheer joy of such an experience and to highlight the 'possibility' of such experiences! 

"My Lord and my God!"

As you might have observed in many of the posts in this blog, I have a strong need, or, even a compulsion to 'understand'. Part of this comes from curiosity. Part of this probably comes from the idea  that understanding would allow me to predict, and, may be even to influence. My mind has a tendency to automatically do elaborate 'scenario planning' even when it is not required. While this did help me in my work in the field of management, it also created a lot of mental chatter that cluttered my mind.

One good thing that has happened to me because of the Covid crisis and the highly unpredictable situation coming out of that is that it sort of 'broke down' my compulsive scenario planning. While it did make me very uneasy initially, now I am more comfortable in the 'cloud of unknowing'.   

Something similar has also happened regarding my relationship with God. Earlier, I had created many mental models about my relationship with God, that (mercifully!) evolved as my understanding evolved. However, the mental models remained, and, they acted as some sort of lenses with which I viewed my relationship with God. Since no lens is perfect, they introduced their own distortion even though they gave me some (false) sense of understanding.  

In the last few months, this understanding, beliefs and mental models went through a process of 'stripping away'. Now, all that remains is a cry, "My Lord and my God", the same one uttered by the apostle Thomas during his encounter with the risen Christ (John 20:28 - And Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!").  

I don't know what this cry ("my Lord and my God!")  really means to me. But, it resonates with me very strongly. 'Strangely',  I am very comfortable with this 'not knowing'!!

I had really felt like this only once before. During one of the training programs that I had attended (that was run largely like a human process lab), there was an exercise in which we were given 30 minutes of time to do whatever we wanted, under the conditions that we can't make eye contact, speak to anyone, look at our phones etc. So, I walked around rather aimlessly, and then I sat down under a big tree. After some time, I became very intensely aware of my surroundings. Then, I had this great urge to pray. But, when I tried to do that, no words would come to my mind, however hard I tried. I started getting 'psyched up', as I had never experienced anything like that before. Then, suddenly, I felt that I am hearing the voice of Jesus telling me that "No words are required. Just say my name". Then I started saying the word 'Jesus' and in a very short time, I was so overwhelmed by a very intense feeling of peace and acceptance that tears started rolling down my cheeks. 

May be, this newfound comfort in 'not knowing' is what exactly I need to experience life as it is and as it comes. May be, not having fixed beliefs about God is the way to experience God. It is indeed such a blessing, that we can experience even when we don't really understand!  

Of matter, spirit and 'sins' of the father

The incident that triggered this post happened when my son was about 7 years old. At that time. he had become fascinated by 'black holes' , especially their immensely powerful gravitational pull, that won't let let anything (even light) escape if it gets too close. He was also a very religious kid.

One day,  he came to me and said that he is very concerned that 'God might fall into a black hole'! It was a very interesting statement. While most of the adults tend to separate ' the spiritual from the material', and hence won't make such statements, no such distinction exists in the mind of a child. So the challenge was to give him an answer which he can understand (within his worldview) and is also not 'wrong'.

So, I told  him the following. "Since God has created the universe, He knows where the black holes are and hence there is no danger of God accidentally falling into a black hole". When, my son was a bit older, I gave him a better answer. "The gravitational pull of  a black hole affects only material objects. Since God is not made of matter, black holes won't have any impact on Him'!

I remember this incident for many reasons. First, when it comes to fundamental questions, our answers should evolve as our understanding and our worldview evolves. Second, it reminds me of the interactions that I used to have with my father, when I was a child. I also, used to ask my father a lot of questions. He used to take a lot of care to give me answers that I can understand and are at least 'directionally correct'.

For example, if I ask him why I should not put anything into an power socket, he would say something like "there is fire inside the socket and you will get burned if you insert anything into it". This is a great answer to a child who is too young to understand electricity and electric shock but understands the damage fire can do. While other answers like "there is a demon inside the socket and it would catch you if you poke it' would have also kept me away from the power socket, it would have unnecessarily complicated my worldview and and might even have led to me not trusting his responses when I grow up. Similarly, if he had just dismissed my question as silly or asked me just to obey without asking questions, it would have made me feel rejected and/or rebellious. 

I am very grateful to my father for spending so much time with me, for patiently listening to all my (childish/child like) questions and ideas, and for giving me responses that enabled me to feel understood and affirmed, to explore more and to develop a balanced perspective. It is not only the 'sins' of the father, but also the 'good deeds of the father' that impacts the future generations!