One thing that I know...

"Is there something that I learned from my life so far in the domain of spirituality?" - This is a question that has been popping up in my mind quite often these days. A few years ago, I thought that I knew quite a lot in this domain. I am not so sure any more. It is in my nature to 'doubt' and to 'question' - any sort of knowledge/conclusions. May be, the way towards faith for me is through 'doubting my doubts' (e.g. 'how do I know that I don't know?').

Let me come back to the original question that I started this post with. There is nothing that I am absolutely sure of - in the sense of having arrived at my final unchangeable conclusion. I feel that one's answers to fundamental questions in life should (and do) evolve throughout one's life. This also means that one's knowledge/conclusions also evolve. Having said this, there is something (among the list of inferences that I have drawn from life so far) that is quite high in terms of degree of conviction - at least at this point.

The inference is something like this. I can't understand God in the scientific meaning of the term 'understand'. In science, when one tries to understand a 'phenomenon', it is usually with the objective to use the understanding to predict and possibly influence (or even control) the phenomenon. Now, any definition of God will limit God and hence can be problematic. Also, if one is able to predict what God will do or if one is able to influence God's actions, that can also limit God. While I do think that it is possible to get connected to God, to catch a glimpse of God's mind or even to feel one with God, I think that these are hugely dependent on the 'Grace of God'. While one's readiness/preparedness/actions can be a significant factor, it is definitely not a sufficient condition or even a necessary condition!

Jesus and simplicity on the other side of complexity

There is a post on 'simplicity at the other side of complexity' in the 'Simplicity @ the other side of Complexity' blog. This is the kind of simplicity that is arrived at after working through the complexities in life. This simplicity helps us to deal with the complexity by understanding and leveraging the patterns that underlie the complexity. It also follows that a relatively simple set of principles (based on the patterns mentioned above) and their interactions can generate responses complex enough to effectively deal with a wide range of complex situations.

I feel that the following response from Jesus (when he was asked the question - ' Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" ) embodies this simplicity in a most elegant and profound manner. "Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)".

This response from Jesus is much more than a neat summary of the commandments. For example, this response/principle transcends the problem of 'having to choose between code ethics and situational ethics - and all the issues associated with code ethics and situational ethics' . However, this does not always mean that it would easy to act according to this principle. Since this is a 'principle to live by' and not a 'prescription for a standard response to situations', we still have to formulate our responses to individual situations . The principle would guide our actions/If we consistently practice this principle, we would develop a state of mind that would enable us to respond appropriately to all situations. Of course, this is easier said than done - and that is why we need the grace of God!

My newfound love for history

When I was in school, I never used to like history much. My favorite subject was physics. In the last couple of years I have found myself getting increasingly attracted to history. Initially, I did not know why this was happening to me. Now I feel that I might have a clue about what is going on. There are two factors involved - my changing perception about what history is all about and a better understanding about how my mind works.

Earlier, I used to view history as a description of a series of events/happenings . Now I am beginning to see the connections between these events and also the underlying patterns (social, cultural and psychological) - the forces that cause/ shape these events*.

Again I have realized that I have a 'connection seeking and pattern recognising' mind (my top two strengths in Gallup 'Strength Finder' are 'Ideation' and 'Strategic') - whenever I get an idea (a connection between two apparently unconnected things) or recognize an underlying pattern in apparently random data, I get a jolt of energy. I feel more alive and happy!.

I also realize that my love for physics is also largely because of the fascination with 'laws of physics'. A law in physics is nothing but a statement of the patterns underlying a set of phenomena. Earlier, I was viewing the events in history only at the phenomena level - as discrete happenings. Now I view history at the idea level - in terms of connections and patterns - in terms of the underlying principles of sociology, cultural anthropology and psychology - and hence my newfound love for history. By the way, understanding of the patterns* in the past events would also help us to make predictions about the future - making the study history even more useful!

I don't feel that the discovery/addition of 'pragmatic reasons' for doing something takes away anything from the original pure/aesthetic reasons for doing that thing. While it can be argued that 'engineering is prostitution of science', no one can argue that the the tremendous benefits derived from engineering has hurt pure science, so long us study of pure science does not get neglected because of the pragmatic reasons for studying engineering. After all, pure scientists would also need computers/databases to easily access relevant information related to their field of study, funds to support their research and aeroplanes to go to conferences !

*Note: I realize that many of these 'patterns' or 'trends' are retrofitted (i.e. they emerge only in retrospect). Now, if one looks for 'patterns' one is likely to find patterns - if the data set (or database) that one is looking at is sufficiently large. Some of these patterns would be purely accidental - and hence might not mean anything. So theorizing (especially theorizing that involve establishing cause and effect relationships) and predicting on the basis of these patterns can be problematic. From a 'scientific method' point of view, it is a much better approach to 'create a hypothesis first and then look at the data set to test the hypothesis' as compared to proceeding the other way around. Of course, hypotheses don't come out of nothing - often they are triggered by observations. So what one should guard against is the tendency to look only for data that confirms the hypothesis as opposed to looking at all the available data to test the hypothesis. So I understand that some of the patterns that I see don't mean anything. But that does not reduce the pure joy that I experience when I see patterns or the importance of pattern recognition in my life - as pattern recognition is a very key part of my individuality. I think I can safely indulge in this activity in its pure form (even without the precautions mentioned above) so long as I am doing it for intrinsic satisfaction and not for deriving actionable inferences!!!

Interesting Links

The aim of this post is to highlight some articles/posts that discuss matters in line with the basic nature of this blog. 

 1. Zazen and Christianity : This is a talk given by Yamada Roshi more than 30 years ago. It provides an insightful comparison between Zen and Christianity - the focus being on meditation.

2. Christianity in Kerala : This is an article written by Abraham Tharakan on the history of Christianity in Kerala. 

 3. India outside my window blog : This blog has very good pictures and articles focusing mainly on life in South India 

 4. Simplicity @ the other side of complexity blog : While most of the posts on this blog are on HR/OD, it has some interesting takes on personal effectiveness. The most relevant posts are Making problems disappear, Everlasting or timeless? , So true that it can't be real, Personal effectiveness and wisdom , Leaders and battle scars and Of problems, paradoxes, koans and wisdom.

 5. Experiencing life blog : Interesting posts - often from a social science perspective - like this one On maturity.

Samayamam radhathil (On the chariot of time)

If one tries to find out which is the Christian song in Malayalam that the maximum number of people know, the answer is likely to be 'Samayamam radhathil njan swarga yathra cheyyunnu' (I am traveling towards haven on the chariot of time). However, one is also likely to find that people sing it very rarely and that most people are rather uncomfortable with this song.

'Samayamam radhathil' is an absolutely beautiful song that was written by the missionary Volbrecht Nagel. It is so amazing, and probably a case of divine inspiration, that a foreigner could write such a beautiful song in Malayalam. Much later, this song was used  (with minor modifications)  in the movie Aranazhikaneram and that added to the popularity of the song.

But, people are still a bit wary of  this song as, this song is sung during all funerals. Thus, people associate this song with death, a very uncomfortable subject indeed for most people!

However, if we can live with our discomfort for a moment and look at the song more carefully, we will find that this song is more about life  and life after life than it is about death.

Our journey towards haven begins much before we die. Actually, the key part (and possibly the part that we can influence the most) of the journey takes place while we are alive. So, this song is equally about our walk with God while we are very much alive. This is so beautifully expressed in lines like 'bharangal koodunnathinu onnum venda yatrayil' (my journey doesn't need anything that encumbers me) and 'raathriyil njan daivathinte kaikalil urangunnu' (in the night, I sleep peacefully in the arms of God).

Yes, the song does talk about the 'end of our journey' (death) and about the 'life after life'. To me, this is essential to enable us to look at our lives differently and to live life more confidently, without being too overwhelmed by the fear of death.

When this song talks about death, 'aake alpa neram maathram ente yaathra theeruvaan' (it is just a little while for my journey to end), it makes us more aware of the limited time we have in this world, and hence exhorts us to live our life more intentionally and fully.

Hence, the next time we come across (or, seek out!) this song, let's listen to it/read it/experience it  with an open mind, so that we would be inspired and transformed by it, enabling us to be more effective and joyful in our walk with God!

My biggest gift and my biggest curse

Of late I am coming to the realization that my biggest gift is also my biggest curse.

My biggest gift is the ability to see three steps ahead. This enables me to visualize what could happen at a later stage if a particular action is taken now. So as soon as I hear something my mind races off to visualize multiple scenarios (and their probabilities and their implications) that could result as a result of the current situation and the inherent choices in the current situation. I call this a 'gift' because I was born with it, though I might have fine-tuned/polished it to some extent. This ability to do scenario planning/strategic thinking has helped me a lot in my career. So this has been a very valuable gift.

Now let me explain why this gift is also my biggest curse. This ability that enables me to 'see' possible opportunities in the future also enables (or forces) me to see possible problems. This becomes even more problematic when I am not in a great mood - I tend to visualize lot more problems than opportunities. This in turn worsens my mood further and brings in the possibility that a vicious cycle might develop. In addition to all this there is the risk that this scenario planning ability (especially when it runs wild) could lead to 'paralysis by analysis'. So some times it becomes very difficult for me to 'make a decision and move ahead' even when that is the 'wisest' thing to do. Thus I end up thinking (or even worrying) too much. This is the reason why I say that this ability is biggest curse in addition to being my biggest gift.

If we analyze the above descriptions carefully, it becomes apparent that the key intervening variable in this cause-effect chain is my mood/frame of mind. So logically speaking, the solution lies in maintaining a positive frame of mind. But it is easier said than done.

Any comments?

What shapes my perspective?

The introduction to this blog talks about exploring and celebrating life from my unique perspective. So what is this unique perspective? Answers to this question can be attempted at many levels - from very material ones to very mystical ones. To put it in another way, it can range from those from the point of view of my self to those from the point of view of my Self - 'self' meaning my 'personality' and 'Self' meaning my 'ultimate Self'. This post is essentially at the level of 'personality'. It is also the level of my biases, prejudices and assumptions. I feel that exploring the factors that that have shaped my perspective is an essential part of exploring and celebrating life. This series of posts strives for a deeper understanding and appreciation of these factors.

I feel that one of the key factors that influences my perspective is my double heritage - that of being a Christian and an Indian (a Syrian Christian from central Kerala to be precise). I am not sure about the extent to which this has influenced/biased my perspective. After all, exploring oneself is a tricky venture.

If we examine Christianity in Kerala, it has some very interesting dimensions. Syrian Christians in Kerala claim 2000 years of Christian heritage - dating back to the arrival of St.Thomas in India. Now this 2000 years of coexistence has influenced both Kerala and Christianity. The impact of Christianity in Kerala is quite apparent - especially in fields like education. For example the word for school in Malayam is 'pallikootam'. 'Palli' means a church building and hence pallikootam literally means an annexe/extension/wing of the church.

What is not so obvious is the influence of the Kerala culture on Christianity. While this influence might not be obvious, I feel that the influence runs quite deep. For example, though Christianity reached Kerala 2000 years ago, only about 20% of the population in Kerala is Christian. I feel that one of the key factors that has influenced this is the basic Hindu philosophy of 'universal acceptance'. It was this cultural context/background that welcomed Christianity in Kerala. Thus culturally speaking, the Christian 'way of life' was assimilated into the mainstream of Hindu 'way of life' to a large extent and this made the need of having to forge a very distinct cultural identity less pressing. While a somewhat distinct cultural identity evolved over the centuries, the identity was not radically different in most dimensions. Again, as mentioned earlier, this Christian way of life also influenced the mainstream Hindu way of life - making the cultural distinctions even less pronounced. For example Christmas is celebrated across Kerala and 'Christmas stars' would be found in many non-christian homes also. Similarly Christians also celebrate 'Onam'. While Onam is a harvest festival, the mythology that underlies Onam is a distinctly Hindu one (that of Mahabali and Vamana). But this has not in any way affected the enthusiasm with which Keralite Christians participate in Onam celebrations. It is interesting to note that Keralire Christians are quite open to study/learn (and also open to let their kids study/learn) the religious texts/ philosophies of other religions. In Kerala, knowledge is given high importance/status. Most of the Keralite Christians view the religious texts/ philosophies of other religions essentially as knowledge - and hence worth studying/ learning ! I feel that knowledge of other religions would enable us to understand our own religion better.

Another relevant factor here is the 'bed-time stories' told to young children in Christian households in Kerala. They hear stories based on Hindu mythology in addition to the stories from the Bible. I feel that this leads to greater understanding, appreciation and respect for the Hindu way of life. May be, more religious harmony gets created through these stories than through the formal initiatives of the religious leaders!

From Cross to Crucifix

Till a few years ago, I used to prefer a Cross over a Crucifix. Actually, I was a bit uncomfortable with crucifix. Crucifix seemed to invoke somewhat messy and painful sensations in me. In comparison, cross appeared to be neat and elegant. Also, if Jesus Christ has 'already overcome the cross' (through resurrection) why put him back there unnecessarily? 

These days, I prefer a crucifix over a cross. I feel that crucifix is more real. Maybe, it is because I can relate better with a crucifix now. I think that it reflects a change in my perspective on life and on God over the years.

Till a few years ago, my self image was that of a person who is 'not perfect but largely OK and largely in control of his life'. Over the years, expanding life has brought in new complexities, problems, paradoxes and dilemms. Many of these (especially the paradoxes and dilemmas) have no neat solutions and hence one has to learn live with them. Hence, I am beginning to understand the inherent 'messiness' in life.

Maybe, it is not appropriate to call it 'messiness' (as it might have a negative connotation). Maybe, it is the essential reality of life and spiritual growth and anything 'neater' than this would take away from the richness of life. This also makes one more humble and more welcoming of God's grace! Grace is an essential requirement for successfully grappling with the problems, complexities, dilemmas and paradoxes and to learn and grow in the process.

Another relevant factor in my case is an increased awareness of the reality of the 'person' of Christ - in the sense of being 'fully God and fully man' at the same time. Now, this mystery (of being 'fully God and fully man at the same time') is something that I have very much struggled to understand over the years, often making many mistakes in the process. It is very easy to make the mistake of underestimating one of the aspects and overestimating the other aspect.

For example, a few years ago I thought that Christ was essentially a divine being and that his human nature was secondary - something that the divine being can put on and take off - almost like a cloth - to achieve the divine objectives.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that this could lead to the conclusion that the crucifixion and the suffering of Christ was not fully real (at least in the physical/human plane) or that the 'teachings of Christ' was more important than the 'life of Christ on the earth'.

With God's grace, after many messy, painful and highly personal struggles with the ambiguities, problems, dilemmas and paradoxes of life over many years (a process that might be very similar to what is meant by the 'circumcision of the heart'), now I think that Christ's crucifixion and suffering was real* and that the 'life of Christ on the earth' (being 'fully man and fully God at the same time') is what makes his teachings real. Also, now I am of the opinion that the biggest miracle of Jesus was himself (being fully man and fully God at the same time) and that itself is the key message of Christianity. 

Moreover, this gives me the confidence that Jesus can understand me and relate to my problems and suffering. Remember, Jesus retained his wounds even after resurrection! In a way, 'the God who suffers with us' even now (and not just suffered for us once a long time ago) and hence is 'with us' in a very real way, is definitely more comforting!

All this makes me prefer a crucifix over a cross. The Christ that I am interested in is the Christ that I can experience and relate to,  and  who can understand me and my human problems and struggles! 

Of course, I believe that Christ also experienced joy (in addition to sorrow) during his life on earth and that his joy was equally real as his sorrow. So, Christ can be there with me in both my joy and sorrow! 

*Note:  Recently, I came to know that my initial inference (underestimating the the humanness of Christ) was a 'heresy' called 'Docetism' (attributed mainly to Gnostics) that existed during the first few centuries of the Christian Era. Maybe, I should try to learn more about Church history !