From Cross to Crucifix

Till a few years ago, I used to prefer a Cross over a Crucifix. Actually, I was a bit uncomfortable with crucifix. Crucifix seemed to invoke somewhat messy and painful sensations in me. In comparison, cross appeared to be neat and elegant. Also, if Jesus Christ has 'already overcome the cross' (through resurrection) why put him back there unnecessarily? 

These days, I prefer a crucifix over a cross. I feel that crucifix is more real. Maybe, it is because I can relate better with a crucifix now. I think that it reflects a change in my perspective on life and on God over the years.

Till a few years ago, my self image was that of a person who is 'not perfect but largely OK and largely in control of his life'. Over the years, expanding life has brought in new complexities, problems, paradoxes and dilemms. Many of these (especially the paradoxes and dilemmas) have no neat solutions and hence one has to learn live with them. Hence, I am beginning to understand the inherent 'messiness' in life.

Maybe, it is not appropriate to call it 'messiness' (as it might have a negative connotation). Maybe, it is the essential reality of life and spiritual growth and anything 'neater' than this would take away from the richness of life. This also makes one more humble and more welcoming of God's grace! Grace is an essential requirement for successfully grappling with the problems, complexities, dilemmas and paradoxes and to learn and grow in the process.

Another relevant factor in my case is an increased awareness of the reality of the 'person' of Christ - in the sense of being 'fully God and fully man' at the same time. Now, this mystery (of being 'fully God and fully man at the same time') is something that I have very much struggled to understand over the years, often making many mistakes in the process. It is very easy to make the mistake of underestimating one of the aspects and overestimating the other aspect.

For example, a few years ago I thought that Christ was essentially a divine being and that his human nature was secondary - something that the divine being can put on and take off - almost like a cloth - to achieve the divine objectives.

The problem with this kind of thinking is that this could lead to the conclusion that the crucifixion and the suffering of Christ was not fully real (at least in the physical/human plane) or that the 'teachings of Christ' was more important than the 'life of Christ on the earth'.

With God's grace, after many messy, painful and highly personal struggles with the ambiguities, problems, dilemmas and paradoxes of life over many years (a process that might be very similar to what is meant by the 'circumcision of the heart'), now I think that Christ's crucifixion and suffering was real* and that the 'life of Christ on the earth' (being 'fully man and fully God at the same time') is what makes his teachings real. Also, now I am of the opinion that the biggest miracle of Jesus was himself (being fully man and fully God at the same time) and that itself is the key message of Christianity. 

Moreover, this gives me the confidence that Jesus can understand me and relate to my problems and suffering. Remember, Jesus retained his wounds even after resurrection! In a way, 'the God who suffers with us' even now (and not just suffered for us once a long time ago) and hence is 'with us' in a very real way, is definitely more comforting!

All this makes me prefer a crucifix over a cross. The Christ that I am interested in is the Christ that I can experience and relate to,  and  who can understand me and my human problems and struggles! 

Of course, I believe that Christ also experienced joy (in addition to sorrow) during his life on earth and that his joy was equally real as his sorrow. So, Christ can be there with me in both my joy and sorrow! 

*Note:  Recently, I came to know that my initial inference (underestimating the the humanness of Christ) was a 'heresy' called 'Docetism' (attributed mainly to Gnostics) that existed during the first few centuries of the Christian Era. Maybe, I should try to learn more about Church history !